December 17, 2012

My Precious Girl,
My heart is overflowing right now.  I have to tell you how much you are loved by not only us, but your church family.  Friends in our church collected money to help bring you home.  The fact that they thought of you during this Christmas season, that they wanted to share this financial burden with us, and they did so in such a HUGE way brings me to tears at every thought of it.  The knowledge that you are loved already so much and by so many people makes my heart feel like it will burst. 
I prayed and asked God to give me words to accurately describe what I am feeling, and I feel like He gave me this Psalm....
Psalm 146
Praise the LORD, Praise the LORD, o my soul!
I will praise the LORD as long as I live, I will sing praises to my God while I have my being,
Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.
...Blesssed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God,
who made haeaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,
...The LORD watches over the sojourners, he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
The Lord will reign forever, your God, to all generations.  Praise the LORD!

Tonight I was reminded that you have a heavenly Father that loves you so much, "He UPHOLDS the orphan," and He uses people to show His love.  I cannot wait to share with you the love of your Heavenly Father, and of His people!! Praise the LORD!!

Also, tonight, your "Aunt" Kylie gave us a book, a beautiful book that is about you, about a world you dream about, and one day that dream will come true.  It is the most precious book I have ever read, and I look forward to the day, I can read it to you.  Again, I felt how deeply you are loved already!!

These last 2 years, you have taken up residence in our hearts, and have been loved so much by us, and your brothers, and grandparents.....but tonight, I saw how far reaching that love for you goes.  So many people are praying for you, and waiting for you as well. 

Praise the LORD, o my soul! 

April 2, 2012

My Precious Girl,
We are now 14 months on the list. I always love to see one month closer! Of course, the wait times have increased yet again. We are now at the average being 36-42 months (when we started it was 18-24). So I start to wonder if it is every going to stop increasing. Everytime we get a month closer, the wait times increase and we haven't gotten any closer really....so now my latest fear....I am going to be old! Will I still be a good mom? Will I have enough energy? Patience? Casen will probably be in Kindergarten (or maybe even high school, who knows at this point) will I be able to start fresh with a toddler?? These are the fears that I think of this month. Irrational? maybe. Silly? definitely. But what else am I going to do with all this waiting around except find new things to worry about. I always remember the verse, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known unto God. This is what I do! My hope is in Him, and His timing is perfect, and His grace is sufficient when needed. Nothing escapes His watch, His attention. Nothing catches him by surprise, not even these crazy wait times. So I know I can give Him my worries, I know that I can trust His timing, I know when we see you for the first time, all of this will melt away. I love you my princess!!!

Your family while we wait for you.....

Casen's sweet hands, with a roly poly crawling all over him. Bugs (ANY bugs, spiders, worms, bees) he tries to catch them all.

Yes, this is YOUR brother!


Welcome to boy world!!!


Austin started his 2nd season of kid pitch!

Brenden started his first season of coach pitch.

March 2. 2012

Dear precious girl,
We have hit the 13 month mark!! So far the months seems to be flying by! Most days I am good, we think about you, pray about you, dream about you, but it still seems abstract not real. But every once in awhile it really hits me, and I remember that our baby girl, is somewhere in the Philippines and we aren't there to take care of you. I had that day this month, and just had to have a good cry. Crying for you, crying for myself, crying for this LONG process and wondering if we will ever get to meet you, if this is actually going to happen. Even though my heart is hurting during that time, it feels good, because it feels real, and not abstract at all. I have another child, a little girl, and in that moment of crying my heart swells with love for you

Our life while we wait....

Austin turned 9!


Brenden played his first season of basketball and LOVED it!


Casen is getting bigger!!!!

February 2, 2012

ONE YEAR!!!!! What a huge milestone!!! When we started, I couldn't wait for this day, because we would be halfway there!! Unfortunately, as I have said before, the wait times have increased, so we are still 2 years away. Hopefully, though this time next year, we can say we are OVER halfway there. That will be awesome! God knows what is best for our family more than we do, and if the wait times would have stayed the same when we first started, we would be getting our daughter this year. Little did I know at that time, how demanding Casen is, and still requires a lot of my attention. When our girl comes home, we know she will need a lot of one on one time, so in a couple of years, when Casen is 5, he'll be ready, and we'll be ready. God always knows! What also is so sweet, is to see how each one of my kids become invested in their sister. When we first started the process 2 years ago, Austin was 7, and Brenden 4. Austin was so excited and talked about her all the time, then in the last year, Brenden became so excited. If anyone ever asks how many brothers and sisters he has, he ALWAYS includes her, and talks about her. He prays for her every night, and he doesn't just say, "pray for our sister". He prays that God will take care of her, and says "I know God can see her" and prays that she will come soon. Then this month for the first time, Casen said, "I pray for my sister" as he prayed. Even though, he doesn't understand, it will be so fun to watch him get excited for her too as he gets older. She is very much already loved! The whole purpose of this blog, is to show her, how loved she is. We planned for her, prayed for her, and waited for her. She is very much wanted!!

While we wait, we live.....

The boys started sleeping together in one room. I love how they all have their own room, but choose to be together.

Austin broke his finger, and had to have surgery to put a pin in it. His second surgery of his short life.

January 2, 2012

Hello 2012!!! and Hello 11 months!!! (as of right now, 19-25 months to go), so we are still saying in about 2 years. Let's pray that this is the year that the wait times decrease, or at least don't get any longer. We had a talk with our adoption agency, and she asked us if we ever consider completing our adoption through a different country, because some couples consider this when the wait is what it is. I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't think about it, but it's a fleeting thought, a passing moment, because we are too in love with the Philippines to ever change it. We know when we started our adoption, we made it a huge matter of prayer on what country, and we knew God said the Philippines. He hasn't changed that, just because the wait times have! So we wait and rest in His will! :)

We had such a beautiful Christmas, and a friend posted lyrics to a song on my page, Merry Christmas by Third Day. It brought tears to my eyes, and made me long for our girl, but pray that God will hold her in His arms, until we can!

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

I can't wait until, I can hug her and tell her, Merry Christmas!!

While we wait though, we live.....



I ran my first Half Marathon!




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New Year's Eve

December 2, 2011

10 months!! Oh yes! This month we had to update our USCIS and get fingerprints done again in OKC, time consuming, but it always feels good doing SOMETHING. Makes it feel more real that we are actually going to have a little girl at the end of this. These 10 months have flown by, and we are about 1/3 of the way there, so I am hoping the next 10 months go just as fast. Still praying for her constantly!

And while we wait...we live....

Brenden finished his 3rd season of soccer.

Casen got to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live!

A Visit from the family!

Silver Dollar City with the cousins.

November 2, 2011

9 Months!!! When you carry a child in your womb, that's an important number. It means the waiting is done, and it is time to meet your child. There is nothing like that moment when your baby is born, meeting them for the first time. I know everyone is different, but with each of my children, I can vividly remember the first time I saw them, and I was instantly in love, love so powerful and overwhelming. Kind of crazy, when you don't even know them. When you carry them in your womb, you dream of them, imagine what they are like, but the moment you see them....there is nothing like it. For our adoption, 9 months is not signifcant, just means a month closer, our baby girl is still in my womb, I dream of her what it will be like, but it still seems so far away, I can't even imagine it. But the moment we meet her, see her face to face, I cannot wait for that day!!! The wait times have just increased to 28-34 months. She just keeps getting farther away from us. My prayers are that the wait won't get any longer, but even more so that God will help to trust him for His timing, and take care of His daughter until then :)

And while we wait, we live.....

Casen turns 3!!!

Hello Fall!

October 2, 2011

8 Months!!!! Getting closer every month!!!

So I have been so good the last few months...and then this month, WHAM out of nowhere, an emotional breakdown. I was holding my sweet friend Kristal's baby, Emma, looking at her perfect features, and how much she is loved and cared for, and then started wondering if our daughter is getting cared and loved for. Does she cry in her crib with no one to comfort her? Does she get social interaction during the day, are her needs being met? Does she sit in a yucky diaper all day long? Does she go hungry for long periods of time? All these negative questions assaulted me, and I just broke down. It's one thing knowing that God is in control, and another letting it settle in your heart. I prayed for my girl alot that day :) Maybe it was a day she needed prayer. Maybe it was an important day in her life, her day of birth, or the day her mom had to give her up. Maybe there was a reason God pressed her on my heart. Whatever the reason, I know and believe God is in control. So we will keep on praying for her everyday, and dream about the day we will actually hold her in our arms.

September 2, 2011

7 months!!!!!! I have been looking forward to this month since we were approved. Because the adoption process takes a lot longer than I anticipated and the wait times have changed, I have been saying we will get our little girl in 2 years for the past year and a half. This month was the month I could FINALLY say we will get her in LESS than 2 years. Unfortunately, although wait times haven't changed officially, a lot of people have been waiting now for 3 years. So I still may say "in 2 years" for another 6 months. I know some people criticize the wait time, and ask why it takes so long. The Philippines are very thorough in the paperwork and the children are really cared for in the orphanages. So when we are matched, I can be insured that the workers took time to match my daughter to our family and she wasn't ripped out of her birthmothers arms unwillingly. I can be insured she was meant for us :) So we will wait for her!!!

A few weeks ago, I was telling Jeff about a blue eyed, blonde hair 16 month old girl in the Ukraine that needed to be adopted and Austin was listening, and he said, "is she from the Philippines?" Me-"no..." Austin-"well my sister is coming from the Philippines." Me-"you may be waiting years for her, we could bring this little girl home in a few months." Austin-"I don't care. We can wait for her. My sister is coming from the Philippines." I love how invested he already is!!!!

So here are the fun things we did this month while we wait for our family to be complete.

The few days before school started, we took the kids to the Aquarium and the Zoo.

First day of school. My Kindergartner and 3rd grader!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Woohoo 6 Months!!!!

A fourth of the way there!! (and yes, I skipped blogging 5 months, our summers are more than just a little crazy!)


Austin wrote our whole family with chalk, and I love that he included his sister. She is always a part of our thoughts and prayers. She is around 6 months old right now, which is absolutely my favorite age.

Our family ALMOST complete! We just need our beautiful Filipina baby girl!


This is such a random picture, but it was what I woke up to one morning, and I never want to forget what it's like to have my little ones at the house. And in a couple of years, it might be barbie dolls, or littlest pet shop, or whatever girls play with these days.



So many things going on this summer...so many pictures...


Happy Birthday, America!




Austin's last season of coach pitch baseball! These kids are friends on the ball field and at church!







COUSINS!! Kailynn cannot wait for her girl cousin! And she is hoping she will have curly hair like herself!

Snuggly boys!

VBS, GO BOYS!

My sweet teen got married!!

So many fun, wonderful moments this summer. I blog so I remember this moment of time. This moment while we wait for our forever girl!

Hello 4 months!!!!

Time is just flying by, 3 boys know how to keep me busy!!! I wish there was more to write, more to say....With the risk of being judged, it is sometimes easier not to think of her at all, then to know I am not there for her now, and we still have awhile to wait. When I see little babies, that would be about her age, I just get sad. So no dreams this month, no reminiscing on what she might be doing right now, I don't want to think about it at all. But I WILL pray, that's all I can do, pray for my little girl, pray that God protects her sweet heart, I pray that she is making strong attachments now, so that she will know how to attach to us. Pray that she is being loved!!!!!! And now I am tearing up, so I better stop thinking about it....

Just a few pictures of our family now, and what we do while we wait....

Casen trying to give Austin a kiss during Track & Field Day...


Brenden just finished his Pre-K year, sad day for me. Jaddon and him were best friends!

Austin finished his second grade year, and made all A's!!!



A good friend turned 30, and we ALL celebrated. It's actually Mia's mom, our daughter's future bff!!!



Trail Days with some good friends!!!!







Happy Mother's Day to me!!!

3 Months!! I have a dream....

Okay, well, I HAD a dream. I dreamed of our little girl. I dreamed she was 1 year old, and we had just 1 more year to wait for her. She had cute little pigtails, you know the kind that just sprout on top of the head, and she had really chubby cheeks. She was absolutely precious! And then you know when you wake up from a dream, and it feels real, for a few minutes anyways. Those few minutes were so wonderful. I have had dreams about my children before, with each pregnancy. They were always boys in my dreams, so I got that part right, but they never actually looked like they did in my dream. Probably because it was just a dream. So I know that I will probably be waiting more than a year for her, and that she may not have those chubby cheeks and cute pigtails, but I also know she is more than just a dream. She is real, and she is living somewhere in the Philippines, and one day, we will meet her, and love her, and bring her home, and it will last way longer than just a few minutes.

Today marks 3 months into the wait. We still don't have a name for her. I am only in the C's. Jeff is convinced we will name her a D name to keep with the pattern...since we didn't name our kids A, B, C on purpose, I have no desire to name her a D name. This might be a 2 year debate ;)

While we wait, we live......

Date night with the boys!


Austin FINALLY lost his top 2 teeth, and he looks AND talks like a completely different child!


Easter, inside because of the monsoon, we were having....

The boys are posing by the Philippine flag. Their sister is never far from their thoughts, and she is prayed for at every meal by one of the boys!

2 Months!!

Baby Girl,
We are now 2 months into the wait. I wish I could see you, I wish I knew how old you are right now, I rest in the fact that God knows exactly where you are, and He loves you more than I do. Since the wait is 2 to 2 1/2 years, and you will be about that age, I'm just imagining that you are about as old as our "wait." I have a friend who has a daughter about what your age might be (you guys will probably be best friends one day), and everytime I hold her girl, I can't help but think of you. Who is holding you? Are being taken care of? Are you smiling yet? Do you sleep well at night? Do you like to be held? We are already so in love, and we haven't even met you :) We decided to name you now so that we can pray for you specfically, instead of call you future daughter or sister. Maybe this time next month, we will have a name.... We hung the Philippine Flag up where you can see it everytime you walk upstairs. Austin and Brenden think about you everytime they go to play. You are already so much a part of this family. Not much has been going on since the last time I wrote so I just leave you with a couple of pictures of your brothers at this time.....